2nd time...

The second time in Singapore I write a note for myself… Just be back from 3 lec and 1 tut class, total of 7 learning hours. Today in the last 2-hour lec I had been so tired that my headache came suddenly. I couldn’t feel a thing. I had no sense, also no idea, of what the lecturer is talking about.

Everyday seems to be a long, endless chain of challenges that I set up for myself. Here at NUS I have met too many geniuses – the so-called “monsters”. They are so comprehensive that we freshies are too shocked. They are experts in every field they take part in. I wonder why in the mean short time they can gain that much experience. Looking at myself, I have nothing to be proud of. My favorite is only spending time with friends telling “pig story”. Or just dawdling.

I am not confident of the way I am embarking to. It is not shaped. Nor smooth. I will gain something within my reach first. I will take advantage of all the opportunities given to me. Or if they are not given, I will make them possible.

Sometimes I run...

People may wonder why I choose a vague title to be the name of my blog. "Sometimes"!

I got to create this blog while I was murmuring Britney’s song “Sometimes”.

“Sometimes I run

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I’m scared of you

But all I really want is to hold you tight

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Baby all I need is times”

That song is about a girl who is bashfully going into love, with all passion and unreasonable fear. She wants to fall in love but somewhat suspicious or afraid. The feeling of “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman”.

I am, too.

I’m not a boy, not yet a real man.

I do want to love, but somehow afraid I would break any heart of beloved ones. I do want to learn, to experience, but the fear of losing confidence affects the way I see. I do want to be the leader, but sometimes I don’t believe in my problem-solving skills. And leadership.

Many things open in my eyes… Where do I go? What should I do to participate in all the stimulating things? I do not want any lesson or advice but only someone to confide, someone easy enough outside but sophisticated inside to realize the complicated me, take my unreasonable fear away, and bring full of confidence to my hand.

I am so delicate, right? It has been long since I found myself like this.

Maybe because of homesickness.

Today after fatigueable class I came to my room alone, turn on the laptop and suddenly see my sister-my dear aunt’s new baby. I remember the kiss of myself for her on the day I left VN. Bright eyes, milk-smell face and some first hair shatter my heart but soothe my soul…

Wow, Ha, you have lots of things ahead. Keep on going. Be active.